When Teens Act Their Age

As teenagers move rapidly toward adulthood, they are learning to think for themselves. They are going through a time of transition, reaching out for independence with skills that haven't been proven. And transition means change, which is often difficult. They may begin questioning your rules and behaving in ways that seem unreasonable, but beneath the surface they are struggling to understand their new roles as almost-adults. These young people are testing their abilities against the world, and they aren't sure how well they're doing.

Parents who maintain a positive outlook, use good parenting practices and recognize that this transition requires changes from them too, will help their teenagers move on to adulthood with confidence and competence. Understanding the reasons for adolescent behavior will help you and your teens enjoy this stage and move on to a positive adult relationship.

Give your teen room to grow within a framework of reasonable rules that will help keep them safe.

• Challenge your teen to think about and discuss current events.
• Respect your teens opinions even when you don't agree. Teenagers will gain a lifetime of benefits if they learn to think for themselves, realize they influence others and become self-reliant.
• Review the rules. This is the time to join with your teen to review the rules. Together make them as fair and realistic as possible.
• Praise good behavior.
• Look for interests you and your teen share, such as sports, music or reading. Time spent together now will help develop a stronger relationship later.
• Become your teen's role-model. Knowingly or not, they are modeling your behavior, both good habits and bad. How you handle your health, how you handle anger and how you deal with life in general will have a significant influence on your teen's behavior.
• Be patient.
• Allow your teen to make choices. Understanding the consequences of decisions will help to develop maturity. Sometimes is is okay for your teen to make the wrong choices. A valuable lesson can be learned from mistakes.
• Tell your teen you are about them.
• Show interest in your teen's schoolwork. Let them know you value a good education, talk to them about their classes and explain the influence education will have on their future.
• Keep a sense of humor and communicate honestly.
• Watch what you say. Criticizing, using harsh words, ignoring or belittling, and teasing can lower your teen's self-esteem and damage your relationship.
• Take care of yourself. Stresses in your life, combined with your teen's new independent attitudes, may bring out feelings of anger. If you feel overwhelmed, take a break for some time to yourself.

You may need professional help when your teen...

• Openly disobeys your rules, daring you to stop them
• Takes a serious health risk. This may include drinking or other drug use, poor sleep habits, premature or high-risk sexual activity and reckless driving.
• Gets into serious trouble outside the home. This may include problems with school officials, the police or other authority figures.
• Has new friends he won't bring home.
• Experiences sudden mood changes. This may be expressed by sullen, angry, depressed or overly excited behavior.
• Loses interest in school.
• Has money from an unexplained source, or spends money for unknown purposes.

  **Some of these indicators, exhibited for only a short time, may not signal a problem. However, if these signs appear repeatedly or in combination, you may wish to seek the advice of a good counselor.